Funny Valentines Day Poems
Night of Valentine’s Day
Twas the night made for lovers
Called St. Valentine’s
And I was sick on the couch
From eating candy hearts that said “Be mine”
The phone was not ringing
And there was no one about
My girl had left me yesterday
Because of a domestic spout.
There was no dinner on the stove
No roses in the vase
I was so lonely,
Just Chilling to Nas.
I was left alone with nothing to do
Then to my sudden surprise
I looked up from the couch
And a TV ad caught my eyes
If I dialed 900-talk smut
And put my ear to the phone
Some disgusting woman, possibly a slut
Would relieve me of being alone.
All they needed was a credit card
To keep me warm on V-Day
A few dirty remarks
And I felt like I had gotten a lay.
That’s the way of phone sex
On V-day when you are single
Give them a call,
So your pants might feel a tingle.
My Funny Valentine
You’re my funny Valentine
Sweet comic Valentine
You make me smile with my heart
Your looks are laughable
Unphotographable
Yet you’re my favorite work of art
Is your figure less than Greek
Is your mouth a little weak
When you open it to speak
Are you smart?
But don’t change a hair for me
Not if you care for me
Stay little Valentine stay
Each day is Valentine’s day!
Everything Reminds Me Of You
I look at a tree,
And what do I see?
My Valentine’s face
Smiling back at me.
I spot a cute rock,
But, oh what a shock,
For it reminds of you
And that is no crock.
Everywhere that I turn,
My feelings just burn
With thoughts about you,
My love please don’t spurn!
Each rock and each tree,
Each cloud and each bee,
The earth and the sea,
It all reminds me…
I love you awesomely!
Karl Fuchs
Timeless Valentine
As time goes by from year to year,
One thing is surely true, my dear;
Though decades come and decades go,
Just seeing you sets me aglow.
Time shifts my body; I start to sag,
When I pass a mirror, it can make me gag.
My joints all ache; I can hardly move;
Still a smile from you, and I’m in the groove.
Getting older can be a pain,
But with you along, I can’t complain.
Despite the things that we go through,
I know I’ll never stop loving you.
Your loving heart turns life to play,
As we laugh at time from day to day.
So I write this poem, and I’ll hang my sign,
Saying, “Always Be My Valentine.”
Karl and Joanna
How do I love thee?
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight.
For the ends of being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of every day’s
Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight.
I love thee freely, as men strive for right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from praise,
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints—I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.
Elizabeth Barrett Browning